Whisper of My Heart
As I scroll through Instagram, beautiful images of a friend’s ventures through Bali lure my attention. I am taken back to a time, not so long ago, when my eyes and heart were first captivated by the beauty of Bali. Curious, I grabbed my journal, a cup of coffee, and spent the morning reminiscing on a time I traveled across the world to a mystical land to join two of my dear friends and mentors and a group of curious travelers on a week-long yoga retreat. My time in Bali took me beyond the surface and into the depths of the ocean. A beautiful reminder that this journey we call life is unique; a soul’s journey intended for individual growth and exploration.
April 23, 2017 / Day 2 / Journal Entry ~
"Upon arrival, it was quiet and dark. I was tired. I was the only one at the villa and what felt like the entire property in Uluwatu Surf Villas. The wifi was spotty, and soon a similar feeling of fear arrived. Where was I? I was alone in a foreign land with no guarantee I could reach home to let my husband and parents know I had arrived safely. I got through to my mom and dad; they were anxiously awaiting my arrival and texts. My mom, in good fashion and like any concerned mother, tracked my route and knew what time I would arrive and where. It is a comfort to know someone has an eye on you, making sure you are safe. To abate my discomfort, I took a Xanax, put in my earplugs to drown out the distant boom from the club in the local town nearby and went to sleep and only to awake a few hours later, around 2:30 a.m. by my roommate as she arrived from New York. A sense of relief passed through my body and mind. After a quick and drowsy introduction, I laid my head again to rest for a few more hours.
"Why Bali, why now?
Buzzing from a recent yoga retreat and travel to Costa Rica (August 2016), I was feeling alive and free. In search of my next fix, I said YES! to Bali. Sustaining connection to self, heart, and mind was of utmost importance. I started the groundwork and foundation of ease around my search to inherent love and happiness. As I began to peel back the layers of fear and doubt, I witnessed courage, hope. I was on a treasure hunt, in search a pot of gold, my quest to uncovering my Personal Legend (*a personal legend, as referred to in Paulo Coelho's, The Alchemist, is one's destiny in life. It's identifying our purpose in life and pursuing it.)
April 25, 2017 / Day 4 / Journal Entry ~
“Being outside 80% of the day, all day and near the ocean… AMAZING! The emotions to get here were nothing short of intense and real…the fear of the unknown, being far away from home and outside my comfort zone…The consistency and power of the ocean in Indonesia is a wonder. Something I have yet to witness. Full of grace and unknown, beauty, intrigue, curiosity, comfort, and home. No regrets. Learning to trust all that comes my way as opportunities to explore and grow… Once the retreat began, I knew I was home, meant to be. I feel relaxed. Comfort in my own skin. Each hour, twist, turn, breath the fear melts away. I connect inward. I remember the power of travel and the impact it has on my system.”
April 26, 2017 / Day 5 / Journal Entry ~
"Each morning I awake and rise no later than 6:00 a.m. I come out to the back, find a lounge chair with my tea and look out at the vast ocean before me. I have finally begun to find a rhythm. Bali is time for me; to continue along my path as the woman warrior that I am. Before I got married, I was on a path to awakening. I was getting real with myself and digging deep. Working with mentors and teachers to find my way home and overcome the obstacles in between with compassion and care. Curious about the beauty and magic of this place; to know if I could travel this far from home and trust myself enough to know I would be safe, supported. I wasn’t clear. I am still not very clear, but the thing I do know, I feel at ease; a general sense of calm and quiet within, courage. Even when I walked out of the car and into the airport at SFO, something inside me knew I was following my heart, my sense of curiosity. I’ve admired woman warriors who can just DO without fear stopping them. With the work I have done thus far, I know the irrational power and distortion fear can have on the mind, the gripping."
The crowded roads and beaches of Bali acted as a metaphor to my mind pre-retreat. As I ventured into town, butt, and body on the rear of a scooter, uncertain of its stability, I gripped tightly to the waist in front of me. Laughter and bliss emerged with each turn, the gentle wind upon my sticky, warm body and face. My heart sang and the firm grip slowly released as the angst and fear melted under the burning sun. I discovered another layer of truth, bravery, and strength. The land, the culture, and tourists all served a purpose, a lesson to find ease and comfort among the noise.
“I give up freely what is no longer serving me. I release it to create space for what inspires me.” ~ Sarah Pascual, retreat leader.
I am ready to release fear, doubt, and judgments which cloud my internal process, beliefs on self and others. To release the tight hold of past stories and the limits I hold myself and others accountable to. To allow for space and trust; a sincere and humble heart as I act to incorporate practices of forgiveness, patience, compassion, and trust. Faith that when aligned with my heart's desire and in pursuit of my personal legend, my unique journey and pace will continue to reveal itself and guide me home, to my north star.
April 28, 2017 / Day 7 / Journal Entry ~
“Morning Ritual – rise by 6:00 a.m., cup of tea in hand, lounge chair to relax, broad ocean view and a sky full of soft and puffy cotton balls. As the sun rises, the ocean and sky are filled with soft and cool colors of blue, pink, white hues. Sunrise is my preferred time of day; the air is dewy with a slight crisp and coolness about it. There is just a whisper of a breeze that softens across your skin every so often. This morning the surfers swim more towards the left. Their dedication is amazing. Every so often I look up and see a surfer riding a wave. He is stoked. Sometimes you can hear the voices of the surfers in the distance. There is laughter coming from the cliff below as two women chat on the bench, enjoying the view and conversation…The view remains the same each day, but oh how it is oh so different from the next; the smells, the sounds of the waves, the colors, the feel.”My morning retreat ritual spoke of truth, an offering of stillness and reflection. Each day, I gazed upon the immense beauty and landscape, beyond the cliffs of green and brown, steps of stone and into the subtle pink and yellow hue filled sky. I would watch the surfers paddle to catch their next wave or witness the patience of a fishing boat drifting in the distance. Grateful for the magnitude of the ocean, as it supported and soothed my soul and its endless ability and abundance to sustain so much life.
To voyage into a foreign country and partake in the daily nourishment of yoga is a beautiful opportunity to replenish and heal the body, mind, and spirit. Content with daily asana and meditation, habits of rest and adventure, nutritious and delicious home cooked meals, deep conversations, and life long connections. Peace, solace. Practicing in nature, among a land as spiritual and mystical as Bali was a dream. If you are fortunate enough to travel with a teacher you know and trust, even better.
Travel is a beautiful way to shift perspective and to disconnect from a habit, pattern, or idea of being that is no longer serving you, may it be a mindset, relationship or situation. We do not always know why or have immediate answers, but when you watch and listen to the subtle signs and direction of the heart, the path is never without a doubt. Thank you, Bali, for your beauty, endless landscape of deep blue, culture and community, and for past and new connections ripened and cultivated.